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Thursday, November 4, 2010

Seeing the Sights of Holland

Yesterday I got a call from Carol, my IVF coordinator at ORM. She was touching base to let me know that they received records from my previous doctor (Stoelk) who performed my 1st IVF. They met as a team to review the records/ discuss my case and determined that it would be best to have me start the treatment after the closure (last 2 weeks in December). She said that they feel I would get better results on a traditional protocol, on which I would need a bit more time.

I felt a little sad that I'd have to wait yet another month. However, I'm so glad that they are not just pushing me through, trying to get me "done". It's clear to me that they have the patient's best interest in mind at this clinic, doing what is really right. They seem to be focused on patients as individuals, with different needs. Again, as I have been many times on this path, I was reminded of God's perfect timing, though it's not my own.

This week something finally sunk in to me: I have been comparing myself to others. I've been on a rocky path tripping all along the way because I'm looking away, caught up in watching other people's paths, not my own. I'm so thankful  that was revealed to me, because I'm already feeling more confident on my own bumpy trail. Little things have stood out to me differently this week. For example, I intentionally wore a sweater with a hole in it because I realized how perfect it was for me. I'm not perfect, but I'm OK!

A wonderful person shared this story with me a couple of weeks ago, and it's become a big reminder to me of how to look at life. I think it applies to everyone--no matter what situation...

WELCOME TO HOLLAND
c1987 by Emily Perl Kingsley. All rights reserved

I am often asked to describe the experience of raising a child with a disability - to try to help people who have not shared that unique experience to understand it, to imagine how it would feel. It's like this......

When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.

After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."

"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.

It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."

And the pain of that will never, ever, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss. But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

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